Studs

It’s a pretty good bet that if you’re still rocking studded snow tires on June 5th, you have every intention of riding it out until next winter.  #thinkingahead.

Dream Alarm

Sometimes I’ll have a dream that I’m sleeping.  Sometimes in that dream, my dream-state alarm rings, waking me in my dream and in real life.  At that point, sometimes I’ll realize that my real alarm hasn’t really gone off yet, and in fact I still have another five minutes left before it’s actually time to wake up.   I usually spend the next five minutes complaining with groggy bitterness to myself about the lousy morning handoff, and about how the two alarms could do a much better job at synchronizing.  On the bright side, I’m guessing that the five minute lead the sleeping alarm provides ensures that my slumber-state self is always on time to my dream job.

Canine Psych, 101

So the morning show today had a veterinarian on to talk about how dogs suffer from separation anxiety.  The vet said that some dogs get it so bad that they act out, even to the point of destroying stuff.  Then the host asked what dog owners can do to address the problem.  The Doctor, in an earnest tone, suggested that the dog owner “could try not to be away from the dog very much, and when it is necessary, to give the dog a toy to occupy him until the owner gets home.”  I bet the producers were glad they called an expert for that segment.

Generational Meal Planning

Sometimes when I'm really hungry, I'll check my food stores and find that I mostly only have chicken and chicken eggs.  I usually find a way to create a pretty yummy meal out of the two anyway, but I must admit that it makes me feel a bit uneasy.  

#fearofpoultrykarma

Lincoln's Birthday

Today we celebrate Abraham Lincoln’s birthday.  Had President Lincoln not met his untimely death at the hand of the assassin John Wilkes Booth, he would have turned 208 today.

It's a Nasal Thing

In silence except for pathetic muted sniffles, the wretched sinus sufferers shuffled, drivers licenses in hand, toward the keeper of the Sudafed.  Ear-clogged and raw-nosed, a day of unsolicited but well-intentioned netti-pot and emergenC suggestions behind them, one more dignity-destroying task awaited:  the dreaded meth lab denial signature.

Political Hats

After months of predictions from leading economists about market volatility in the wake of the election of Donald Trump, this weekend witnessed sales in the Uterus Hats industry suddenly soar and then abruptly crash in an unprecedented twenty-four hour event.