Zombie 5Ks, Hotness, Cool Smoking Behaviors, Rock Bands, etc.

·         I know that Zombies don’t really exist and everything, but if they did, I think it would be cool to have a couple of real Zombies mixed in at those Zombie 5K races.  When you just have real live people dressed up as Zombies, the runners probably hardly really worry at all about being bitten and becoming, you know, undead.  I bet once you start using real Zombies, you couldn’t compare Zombie 5K race times, which I bet will be much faster, with non-Zombie 5k race times.  Also, survival of the fittest would filter out folks who really weren’t in shape to be running their first 5Ks.  Even a stupid Zombie would be looking for people using inhalers and puking  at about the half-way mark.  All this said, the notion would never actually work, because the real Zombies would probably be confused and also go after spectators and fake Zombies by mistake.  This confusion factor, in my opinion, is why most plans incorporating Zombies fail.

·         So this guy the other day asked me, "hot enough for you?" and I said, "yes, it's actually a bit too hot", and he just sort of smiled at me. I thought that was kind of strange, but it's good that they have people checking.

·         I know that relationships require work, but I think that if you ever fell in love with a mermaid, the romantic cool factor would wear off pretty quickly.  After that, it would be really hard to not focus on the troublesome nature of her fish parts, and having to keep her wet all the time, and the sand that would just be everywhere, and, oh my God, the freaking BRINE. 

·         Exciting New “The Ross Rant” Feature, same low price

Too Soon?  Corner:

Gee, I hope Glee doesn’t start to suck now.

 

·         Cigarette smoking seems to be a lot less popular now than it used to be, but I wonder why people who still smoke have stopped rolling packs up in their tee shirt sleeves and tucking cigarettes behind their ears.  Those seemed to me to be fashionable, practical and reasonable behaviors relating to smoking, and ones that should be encouraged in those who continue the habit.

·         The Rolling Stones are still going strong, selling out concerts and in huge demand.  There’s no denying that Mick Jagger in particular is defying age and performing at a rocking level that is comparable to his best, even after 50 years.  The songs from the 60s and 70s sound as sexy and fresh and naughty and relevant and exciting as ever as the band performs them today.   I do wonder, though, if people in the audiences ever consider that the women who were the subjects of the songs back then were in their 20s.  Is the 70 year old 2013 Mick still singing to 20 year olds?  If so, EWWWWW.  Or maybe now he’s singing all lascivious to 68 year old women.  If so, EWWWWWW.

On a similar topic, there are bands that are known for using their music to protest or advance the issues that are relevant today.  I wonder, assuming that a band like U-2 will still be going strong in ten years like the Stones have done, if they will be addressing subjects that will be relevant to them and all of us, then.  Somehow, I doubt that we’ll hear Bono singing songs like “Medicare, Part-B” or “Estate Taxes”.

·         And lastly, when I was 18 years old I really liked Billy Joel’s song “Piano Man”, and would sing along whenever it was played on radio or on a bar juke box.  The music and lyrics were great, and it made us kids feel superior to think that there were loser old folks who never quite got their acts together, and sat around feeling sorry for themselves, drinking too much.  I still like the song when I hear it now 30+ years later, but, and maybe it’s just the “real estate novelist” in me, now I think that Billy Joel was being a bit judgmental and critical and offensive when he wrote that song.

Dialing 9-1-2, Coffee, Pet Sitting Alternatives, Killing Referees, etc.

·         I think that it’s really important to know the difference between being heard and being herded.

·         There was this emergency, and I tried really hard to help my friend, but apparently I dialed 9-1-2 by mistake, and, you know, they won’t help you at all. This would probably have to be voted on or something, but I think that any of the 9-1-whatever numbers should all have to be able to patch you back to the regular 9-1-1 place, or whatever.

·         I wish my critics would find a new way to tell me that I’m derivative.

·         I’ve concluded that I’m not technically procrastinating as long as there’s still coffee left in the pot.

·         This will be controversial, but I’m pretty sure that Meals on Wheels costs less than most pet sitting services.  I’m not sure whether there’s a workable loophole here, but it’s just a thought for the budget-minded.  You’d probably really be golden if you have an old cat that can open the door when the Volunteer folks show up (it’s possible, I saw it on YouTube).  Also, I bet probably at least once a week or so they deliver tuna sandwiches, and so then there wouldn’t be any extra effort involved and you’d have one pretty happy old cat.  In a sort of related thought, I bet that if you have a business where you take care of peoples’ plants, you could take one day a week off paid and no one would ever notice. 

·         For those who think that our relatively young republic is impervious to a major and life altering shake up, please do a Google search on the current activity in Egypt.  Egypt’s history as a powerful place is ancient; way older than our 240 or so years.  It's undeniable that Egypt is still an international economic stronghold, and considered historically to be the birthplace of humanity and civilization.  Still, there’s instability in its government and violence in its streets.  I celebrate our nation’s exceptionalism, but it’s way past time for a collective and unified reality check, America.

·         I think that the worst way to object to a bad referee is to decapitate him, because even if everyone agrees with your objection, probably someone will still think that you should be arrested for murder.