The Race for the White House Begins

 

 

Editor's Note:  If you don't vote, you can't bitch.

 

 

 

(Disclaimer:  The Rant does not endorse either of these made-up candidates.)

More IDOL, Truancy, Passings, The Decline of Wonky, etc.

IDOL Update

·       Country Music superstar Keith Urban has been tapped as the third judge on season 12 of American IDOL.  Apparently, Randy “Pitchy” Jackson will move to a more behind the scenes/mentoring role (a la Jimmy Iovine).

Urban will reportedly make 3 million dollars a year, which is more than 10 million dollars less than his fellow judges Mariah and Nicki will earn.  If I were him I’d be so pissed. I bet even Bucky Covington makes at least 4 million a year.

Truancy in CT

·       A school Superintendent in Connecticut wants to charge a $75 per missed-day fine to the families of truants.  I guess if you don’t pay the fine, your kid’s expelled ( a variation on the notion of “if you won’t come to school, we won’t let you”).  I’ve read a few articles over the past few days, and have not seen a  plan for how these fines will actually be collected. 

I’m sure that truancy is a complicated problem, but this proposed remedy assumes that parents aren’t motivated to be good parents unless there’s money at risk.  The pessimist in me thinks that this fix smells like a revenue generator rather than a deterrent. 

Using a punitive fine as a solution also shifts responsibility away from the truant student, and frankly, from the school administrators.  Again, I acknowledge that this is a complicated issue, but I think that workable solutions will be based on identifying and capitalizing upon what incentivizes and motivates the kids to attend school.

 

“That’s One Small Step for [a] Man, One Giant Leap for Mankind”   -Neil Armstrong, 1969

·       By all accounts, Neil Armstrong was a class act.  With a name that sounded like it was a superhero invention, Armstrong was an “astronaut” during the early days, when cowboy fighter pilots were recruited for extremely dangerous flight test experiments. 

Imagine being the first to do anything with global  exposure and historical significance, and then not caving to pressure to capitalize on that status.  Armstrong is said to have been guarded and conservative with his public persona, associating as a spokesperson only with US businesses that had philosophies he agreed with and engineering programs that interested and engaged him.

He was the first man to walk on the moon 43 years ago, and I remember watching footage of the landing in glorious black and white on a television in my third-grade classroom.  It was surreal, for us little kids and our parents alike.  Although we were in the midst of the very unpopular war in Vietnam, we all had great national pride for having won the “space race.”

I bet plenty of folks my age had lost track of Armstrong and what he did in 1969, and that for many of us he’d faded into a blur of astronaut names we “kind of” remember, including John Glenn and Buzz Aldrin. Many of our kids probably don’t know anything about Armstrong or of the early space program, except for that one scary mission that Tom Hanks led.

As Neil Armstrong’s passing last week is getting media coverage, it’s a good time to reflect on that time in our relatively recent history, when we “raced” other nations for dominance in space, and won. 

 

 

Count Von Count

·       Jerry Nelson, the guy who was the voice of Sesame Street’s “The Count”, passed away the other day.  It’s sad that the man died, and condolences to his family. 

I’m still not sure about The Count.  He was a vampire who taught kids how to count.  I guess he is being remembered more for the good he did than the whole living dead blood sucking part.

Nelson was the voice of one of the Fraggle Rock guys, too, but that character probably was less controversial and duplicitous. 

 

Christie On Isaac

·       It looks like Tropical Storm/Hurricane Isaac is tracking further west than was expected.  New Jersey Governor Chris Christie expressed concern today for Gulf coast residents in the path of the storm.  Drawing from his experience with coastal storms, Christie recommended that “...any idiots walking on the beach in the Gulf get the hell off.”

The Decline of Wonky

·       When I first heard the word “Wonky”, I had no idea what it meant.  I determined through context (and then by checking the dictionary) that it means expert in arcane matters or nerdy.  But now I’m hearing people use the word to describe something as being disgusting (“Does this milk taste wonky?”) or questionable (“I checked MapQuest, but the directions seem wonky..”) and unreliable (“My car has been acting wonky”.) Wonky this and wonky that.  It means GREAT and it also means SUCKY.  So now the word really has no true meaning.

What a shame, Wonky had promise.  But it’s the new Gnarly, (“Dude, that wave was gnarly!” and “Dude, your grandfather’s toes are all gnarly!”).

Harm's Way in LV, Russian Punk Band, West Nile and Outer Space News

·       So England’s Prince Harry went to Las Vegas, apparently on a mission for the British Military.  During maneuvers, his platoon found itself caught in the middle of a strip billiards skirmish.  Photo-journalists embedded with the troops captured footage of the operation, and it is said that the young Prince performed admirably. He’s not looking for credit for his participation, and the Royal Family, displaying characteristic humility, has downplayed the significance of the event.  It’s called “giving back”, people.

 

·       Last week a Russian court sentenced members of a female punk band to two years in prison for "hooliganism motivated by religious hatred" after performing a "punk prayer" against President Vladimir Putin, in a Moscow cathedral in February.  What the band did was disrespectful, no argument, but their crime and punishment seemed mostly centered on the audacious personal affront to President Putin. 

Russian clerics went on record forgiving the rock band and recommending lenience on the part of the court. As part of a negotiated reduction in sentencing, the rock group has complied with the court’s terms to change the band’s name, which was considered obscene. 

The band will now be known as “The Litter Boxes.”

·       The spread of West Nile Virus in Texas is getting a lot of press coverage.  What’s getting less coverage is the fact that this strain of the virus causes mosquitos to grow to the size of pigeons.

 

·       The Mars Rover Curiosity moved six feet yesterday; backwards and then kind of to the right.  So far it has not found water on the Red Planet, but in fairness, the water may have been slightly more to the left.

Aviation History, An IDOL Update, and Augusta National, etc.

·      This week researchers found what they believe is the debris field of the plane crashed by legendary aviator Amelia Earhart 75 years ago.  Based on this intriguing newly discovered evidence, Amelia is thought to still be dead.

·      Everybody can't be a “Rock Star.”  We must stop using the term to describe everyone we like, or we’ll risk watering down the aspirational and noble notion of Rock Stardom. 

·      It is truly irritating to hear “pundits” confusing the terms Medicare and Medicaid. 

·      As the saying goes, “You can’t fix stupid.”  Missouri Representative and Senate nominee Todd Akin should resign/withdraw immediately.  The world is too volatile for people like him and Joe Biden to be in positions to influence policy.

·      In a risky move ignoring their own new rule that female judges must be mothers of twins, the producers of American IDOL have announced that recording megastar (or so I’m told) Nicki Minaj will sit next to Randy Jackson and Mariah Carey next season.  I think that this is the most exciting and bold new change for the show since the last one.

 ·      Historically males-only Augusta National has   “accepted” former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and South Carolina financier Darla Moore as members.  It was gracious of the women to accept the exclusive golf club’s acceptance, and this surely represents a great step forward for women’s rights.  Now, in addition to playing on Augusta’s premier course, they get to hang out in the club lounge, where formerly only men wearing green jackets would drink too much and lie about hunting trips and romantic conquests, fart, talk about boats, drink a lot and smoke cigars and discuss their prostate health and cars and fart, tell sex jokes, discuss lawn care, power tools and fishing, and smoke cigars and talk about sex and drink a bunch and fart. 

An Interesting Week In Words

Divisive and Deleterious Descriptors

·         This week, Governor Romney used the words vitriolic and vituperative in the same sentence describing the tone of President Obama’s campaign.  I’m guessing that vituperative was found right next to vitriolic in the dictionary when someone was writing that speech.  The result made the Governor sound like Mike Tyson does when he tries to sound smart.   I probably would have used contumelious, scurrilous or truculent for the second word, and avoided the awkward letter V alliteration thing.

Danville

·         The President says Joe Biden’s comments in Danville Virginia regarding Republican plans for Wall Street were a distraction to the substantive message.  Vice President Biden is known for being a loose cannon and for his frequent “gaffes”.  But in 2008 he was selected as the President’s running mate to balance the ticket, because of his experience, particularly as a statesman.   I have to wonder, would he make similar gaffes, however well-intentioned, during heated negotiations with some crazy third world leader?  He acts like a drunken uncle, but HE’s the VICE PRESIDENT. 

            

WTF

·         Speaking of words, “f-bomb” is now in the Merriam-Webster dictionary. Surprisingly, it is NOT yet listed as a synonym of the word for which it is most well-known as a substitute, or vice versa. 

Synonyms the dictionary does list for “f-bomb” are:  frick, eff, bleep, flip, farg, fork, phelps, flock, flick, flog, freak, frig, filth/forget (used mostly in “Scarface” film edits for Television), flarn (used mostly by Bill Cosby), falk (TV actor), fokken (Dutch), and fókka (Swedish).

Civility and truth, Puppies and the Rongovian Model

“The road to tyranny, we must never forget, begins with the destruction of the truth.”

-          Bill Clinton

“It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession.  I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.”

-          Ronald Reagan

And So It (Really) Begins………

·         I think the 2012 Presidential contest became a bit more interesting this weekend.   I am always glad and encouraged to see passionate opinions expressed in civil, respectful and meaningful debates.  Unfortunately, the discourse is seldom civil, respectful and meaningful.  I can disagree with a person’s politics and still appreciate and honor his or her conviction as a patriot; and I expect the same from my candidates.   

It’s vital for voters on both sides of the contest to become engaged.  Read multiple newspapers, follow both liberal and conservative media, and come to your own independent conclusions.  Please do your own fact-checking, again with multiple sources, and keep an open mind.

And by the way, listening to your parents or the “Office Expert” at work is fine, but it doesn’t replace doing your own research. 

Random Thoughts……

·         When I make a baseless or inaccurate accusation about someone, and am then later called to task about it, I just say that “I was making a metaphor.”  And although I wouldn’t have any direct responsibility or knowledge of it, I expect my friends to do the same if they make a baseless or inaccurate accusation about someone on my behalf, but only if they are later called to task.

·         I wonder if Lincoln and Washington had spokespersons that would stand in front of the press the day after a big speech and explain, “what the President meant to say was………”

·         I bet that a bunch of people with the loudest points of view on both sides of the political spectrum have never registered to vote, and probably will not.  EVERYBODY has an opinion, but statistically, only about 60% or less of those eligible to vote show up on Election Day.  What’s extra scary and sad is that the 60% is partially comprised of folks who vote for a candidate mostly because their parents and the Office Expert said so, and without any true understanding of the issues.

The following are excerpts of an imaginary transcript of an imaginary debate between imaginary Representative Willard “Willie” Wahnka and imaginary Governor Albert “ Albee” Senia:

(In honor of the great and not imaginary Lincoln/Douglas debates, the style is freeform…..)

Wahnka/Senia Debate

Wahnka:  “100% of American Citizens who were born before August of 1962 and who are still alive, are now at least 49 years old today. 

     (Thunderous applause)

My opponent doesn’t want you to know that.”

     (Boos)  

Senia:  “Well, that’s funny, but my opponent said that exact same thing four years ago, but used August of 1958 as his example then! 

     (Boos)

Well?  Which is it, Congressman?”

     (Thunderous applause)

Wahnka:  “The word is out that Governor Senia is in favor of using stray puppies strapped with explosives to seek out and kill terrorists. 

     (Boos)

I feel that there is a better way, and as your President I will not use stray puppies strapped with explosives to kill terrorists.”

     (Thunderous applause)

Senia:  “The comment I made about strapping explosives on stray puppies has been taken out of context.

     (Boos)

I was making a reference to “Operation Exploding Stray Puppies”, which was a coordinated effort by allied forces in World War 2 to end Hitler’s reign of terror.  I’ve been very clear on this point. Apparently Congressman Wahnke disagrees, but I think that the effort to stop Hitler was noble and just.  I’m not afraid to say it, and I’m darned proud of my record on stray puppies.”

     (Thunderous applause)

Wahnka:  “If my opponent has his way, most elderly married couples will be required to divorce.

     (Boos)

I believe that there is a better way, and as your President, I will repeal  Governor Senia’s proposed “Old People Mandatory Divorce and Grandparent Redistribution” legislation.”

     (Thunderous applause)

Senia:  “Willie, that’s just a distortion and an outrageous misstatement of facts.

     (Boos)

 It’s a matter of public record, and what I said about elderly marriage is that I would propose legislation based on the Rongovian model, whereby older couples are required to divorce and then put into a so-called “Foster Grandparent” pool.  A government program then connects these folks with needy families.  It’s not just a theory; it’s time-tested in Rongovia since 1971.  I believed it then, and I stand by it now.  Old people make very good grandparents, and my opponent’s view that they don’t is simply wrong.”

     (Thunderous applause)

Wahnka:  “What my esteemed adversary doesn’t tell you is that Rongovia implemented that plan when it was in the midst of a crippling two decade-old grandparent deficit.   

     (Boos)

Of course we all think that old people make fine grandparents.  Mine were old, and I’ve been very frank about that.  And by the way, Mr. Senia may want us to mirror Rongovia, or even become Rongovia, although he may deny it. 

     (Boos)

Maybe he even drives one of those sporty two seat Rongovian racers, but as for me, I’m proud to be an American, and I drive a Hyundai!”

     (Thunderous applause)

More Bad Marketing Ideas

Editor's Note:  All "The Rant" content, unless attributed to other sources, is conceived of and created by me (and/or my Super PAC.) 

                            

                            More Bad Marketing Ideas

Birds in my Hedges, Medal Taxes, "The Word's Out", etc.

Adirondack Post-storm Bird Rite

·         I sat on my porch last evening and enjoyed another magnificent summer thunderstorm.  After the rain subsided, a flock of at least 30 cute little birds swooped into the hedges that border my yard.  That cute little chorus line of birds simultaneously commenced on pooping their respective body weights, as though they’d rehearsed.  Must be some sort of post- storm bird ritual.  While I was impressed by their lockstep precision and at the relative volume of poop they pooped, a part of me was a bit disgusted with the demonstration, on the whole.  

Olympic Medal Taxes

·         There’s hub-bub about Olympians paying tax on the money connected with medals they win.  I don’t know when the rules changed, but I remember when I was a kid we used to hear about Olympians being stripped of medals because they’d lost their “amateur” status by endorsing a product or service.  Now professional basketball players compete in the Olympics, and there is money associated with winning medals even for “amateur” athletes.  I hate taxes like everyone does, and understand the arguments about how hard the Olympians work to get to that level of performance, but I’m not sure why taxes would be exempt for money they earn. 

Red Planet Landing

·         NASA is celebrating the Rover “Curiosity” landing on Mars.  The animation they showed on TV looked real enough for me that NASA should have saved the bucks ($2.5 billion) on the actual mission.  If the mission is successful, the Rover will find water, which is apparently very hard to come by on Mars.

Syria

·         Over the weekend, the Syrian Prime Minister defected (to the opposition forces) with his family to Jordan.  I’m not a Middle East scholar by any stretch, but that probably is not a good sign about stability for that nation and the region, right?

Oak Creek, WI Shooting

·         Another tragic and senseless shooting, this time in a church during a Sunday service.  The strong DOJ (Federal and State’s Attorneys and local Mayor and Police Chief) focus (emphasized in their remarks) on the religious/cultural community that was impacted seems forced and exclusionary, when I assume that the intent was the opposite.

I believe that the intent of the comments was and is to honor and express compassion for a culture and group of people who were victims of this crime.  Clearly that church’s congregation has endured a horror I can’t even imagine, but their loss is human loss, and I’m sure belongs to all the citizens of that town.  It may be determined that this massacre was hate-motivated, but by referring to the folks of that congregation as “the Sikh Community” and “they”, the message seems to be that “they” are not “we”. 

It’s also interesting that as this story is reported there is little known so far about the shooter, but there is repeated mention of his time in the US military, which ended with a general discharge in 1998.  Is the US Soldier-Shooter connection in this specific case really so strong that his military service which ended 14 years ago is pertinent?

The Word’s Out

·         “The word’s out” that Harry Reid……. <your anonymously-reported accusation here>.  This is classic partisan political baiting, but it’s outrageous that Reid chose to do it from the senate podium, giving credit for the “word” to some anonymous but “credible source”. 

I sort of wish that Mitt would show his decade’s worth of tax returns, just to get this behind him, although he is not bound by law to do so.  It'd prove that he's a rich and successful guy. No doubt his accountants have served him well with shelters, but I’m guessing that there was no illegal “tax evasion” involved.  Or Romney could have simply denied Reid’s allegations and left it at that, or perhaps commented on the arguable impropriety of Reid using the senate floor as a platform for his political attack. 

It was a mistake for Romney to answer Reid’s charges by saying that he wouldn’t be surprised if Reid’s “credible source” was the White House.  By responding in that manner, Romney lowered himself to Reid’s level. 

IDOL, Cable Mini-rant, and Chick fil-A

                         

American IDOL

People who know me know that I’m a big fan of American IDOL.  JLo and Steven Tyler have announced that they will not return for next season.  When it comes to American IDOL, I haven’t been this shaken since other judges have announced their respective departures.

·         Mariah Carey is a replacement judge for Season 12.  I think she’s an excellent choice, because, like Jennifer Lopez, she‘s really pretty and has twins.  Mariah used to be a singer, which is a big plus too, I think.

·         Aretha Franklin is really mad because people aren’t taking her seriously when she says she wants to be a judge.  All I have to say is, I’m so glad to hear that Aretha Franklin isn’t dead, as I had mistakenly believed.  If she has twins, I’d say she'd be a slam dunk.

·         Charlie Sheen wants to be an IDOL judge.  I think if Charlie wore scarves and said “over the top” and “beautiful” a lot, the change would be just about seamless to us viewers.

History Channel

·         Why don’t they just change the name to “Pawn Channel”?

Discovery Channel

·         The network should capitalize on recent headlines and show a few people being eaten by alligators and sharks. 

Chick fil –A

As long as no ones rights are being denied, the tenets of free enterprise and capitalism should be the sole drivers of this “news event”, with NO government intervention. 

I’m really not interested in the philosophical opinions of the owner, but if they bugged me enough, I might avoid patronizing his business. Or I might decide that I disagree with him but LOVE his chicken.   As long as his feelings aren’t reflected in his hiring practices or the public’s access to his food, who cares? 

I understand that the business is closed on Sundays, which reflects the owner’s religious views, but that impacts gay and straight chicken lovers equally, right?

 I do wonder if the marketing people for the chain have heard their brand slaughtered by the press and public during the coverage of this silliness. I’m hearing people refer to the company as “Chick Filla” and “Chick File- ah”.     Sure, it’s “fil-A”, supposed to be pronounced “Filet”, but if NO ONE “gets it”, maybe you should just call the business, “Chick Filet”.

Summer Bonus: Ill-fated Travel Advertising Campaigns