Political Hats

After months of predictions from leading economists about market volatility in the wake of the election of Donald Trump, this weekend witnessed sales in the Uterus Hats industry suddenly soar and then abruptly crash in an unprecedented twenty-four hour event.

No More Mondays

Some people worry about the evolution of automation, but as a person who really likes to sleep-in, I’m looking forward to the day when my driverless car makes the morning commute to the employeeless job I used to have.

When The Meter Breaks

The power company simply loves its external meters.  Their “meter readers” can just drive by and catch your numbers from their trucks, or maybe they just send a drone over your house, who knows?  It’s really awesome.  Until the external meter breaks.  Then you get a letter advising you in BOLD PRINT that YOUR external meter, which you’ve never had anything to do with and aren’t really sure where it is or how or when it was even installed, isn’t working, and please call the office as soon as possible.  And so you call.  “Um…”, you ask, “is there something I need to do?”   “Oh, no sir…” the guy in the India (or wherever he is) call center (his name is Spencer) assures you, “but your readings for the last two months have been estimated, so it’s very important that it is repaired as soon as possible….”. 

Interestingly, you’ve been receiving congratulatory monthly notices from your power company comparing your usage to that of your neighbors.  Apparently, your estimated usage has fallen within a favorable percentage lower than the estimated usage of your neighbors, assuming that their meters are in similar states of disrepair.  Or maybe your estimated usage has compared well to the actual usage taken from your neighbors’ working external meters.  Either way, atta boy!

And so, anyway, you ask, “ok, do I have to be home for you to fix YOUR meter?”  And the Indian (it may be Burmese or Thai) call center guy, Spencer, says “oh no sir, we’ll be out next Monday.”  And so, with no further contact from Spencer or any of his team in Manila or Bangladesh or wherever they are, or any obvious visits to your home from a local power company person, YOUR meter is “fixed”.  And, also without further contact from Spencer and his team in Guam or wherever, your next bill arrives with mystery “adjustments” that add a back-billed $64 to your amount owed and no mention of a meter repair.  Of course, you are SHOCKED that the actual reading with the fixed meter didn’t result in an adjustment in your favor, and hope that it hasn’t resulted in your stellar standing in the heated neighborhood utility usage contest being in any way diminished.