Sage Advice From Long Ago

I want to share some sage advice I was given long ago: 

Never turn down the offer of a breath mint, and never accept the offer of a milk dud from a man with a monkey.

Team Building 101, Chapter 3

 

Business Training Elementals (Adirondack Books, 2018)


Team Building 101, Chapter 3, Section 3:   It is a big camaraderie boost when your team agrees unequivocally that a person needs to die.  The bond will grow exponentially after the event. 
   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dietary Suggestions

So I know that we only have like 12 years left or whatever, and we need to be stewards of the planet so we have to get this shit rolling and all that.  I reuse plastic whenever I can (using Walmart bags for my garbage), and I mostly gave up smoking cigars (except for celebrations……) because I got sick of the freakin pusses everyone gave me, and also to save the earth, for sure.  But one thing really has me bugged, and that’s all this talk about how red meat is killing the ozone.  They say everyone should be vegan, which I’m totally ok with for the most part, but with it I need a meat side dish; just give me like a little roast beef au jus or pork whatchamacallit and we’re good.  Alternative protein sources are bullshit.  Beans and I have a love hate relationship, and I know some of you will want to talk about lentils but, save it.  Nobody but PETA seems to care, but I’m ok living without chickens because they are nasty.  And please don’t tell me that seafood is my reasonable alternate meat resource.   I like salmon (with steak), but let’s not go crazy; we know what fish do in that water.    And I’m not sure what the ultimate plan is with a reduction in red meat consumption.  Will cows as a species be killed off?  And is the reason so that we can avoid cow farts?  I hope not, because cow farts are just about the funniest of all farts (they have five stomachs, comon, now!) and I mean no offense to anyone else out there who thinks they fart funnier.