Hello Kitty, Panko, Sounds from Thanksgiving 2013, etc.

·         I just saw the Hello Kitty float in the Macys Parade.  The commentators were talking about how the business of Hello Kitty has become huge and international.   I think it’s funny to imagine the Hello Kitty Corporation’s board of directors meetings.   They probably discuss quarterly Hello Kitty strategies.  They’re probably stressful, sometimes.  Probably, sometimes in the middle of some heated discussion, somebody pounds his fist on the table and exclaims something like “(Blah blah blah) doesn’t fly here at Hello Kitty!”  The rest of the people at the table struggle to keep straight faces, because they know what he means, but it’s still pretty funny to hear the words “Hello Kitty” mixed in with his tirade.  There are probably some Vice-Presidents working for Hello Kitty who are real bastards; that reality isn’t industry-specific. 

·         Hey food snobs, Panko is no longer a “secret Asian ingredient”.  Get over yourselves.

 

 

·         Sounds From Thanksgiving 2013

You had cereal an hour ago, you are NOT starving.  Go find your sister.  Dakota!  Where is she?  You better not be snooping!  Where’s my whisk thingy?  Call Grandma and ask her to bring her whisk.   No, you can’t have any of that, it’s raw.  Last thing we need today is going to the emergency room with food poisoning.  DAKOTA!  Where is she?  If you get Grandma’s answering machine leave a message, she’s probably running late.  WHISK!  It’s for mixing stuff, she’ll know.  Chase, just leave the message!  Did you leave it?  Oh my GOD.  No, never mind, I’ll call her, go find your sister.  Dakota!!!  I bet we run out of butter, I should have bought more.  Is the parade on?  Go watch the parade!  Dakota, you’re missing the parade!  It’s only on one day each year!  Where were you, I’ve been calling to you!  Did you make those?  Oh they’re so cute!  Chase, look at the turkeys she made.  You made these?  Did you pick up after?  They’re so cute.  There isn’t paper snips all over your room is there?  Go watch the parade, Grandma will love them.  Did you trace your hand?  Yes you can tape some up on the front window.  Did you put away the glue?  They’re so funny and cute.  Did you trace your hand or what?  The tape is in the junk drawer.  Chase, help her.  Ok, leave her alone then, she’s ok by herself.  I said for him to leave you alone, so stop your yelling.  Go watch the parade.  No, you can’t have that; it’s to put in my coffee.  It’s like a creamer, but better.  Yes, it’s good but it’s for adults.  Yes, it has alcohol in it.  Because it’s the kind of alcohol you can drink before ten in the morning.  Stop smelling it.  Mind your business and go watch the parade.   Who’s here?  Oh hi, Happy Thanksgiving!  I can’t find my whisk; I was going to call you.  Yeah I can use a spoon, but. . .did you see the turkeys she made?  She did them all by herself up in her room.  I think she traced her hand.  I bet it’s a mess up there.  I’ve got coffee and Baileys but I think it’s time to move to wine!  HAHA.  Beth and Doug are coming soon with the twins and hopefully Cubby and his girlfriend will be here for dinner.  Who’s crying?  Why are you crying?  God, Chase will you please just leave her alone?  Go watch the parade.  Then watch something else.  Then go read a book.  Mostly get out of this kitchen.  Ok, it’s time for wine!  HAHAHA.  It’s happy hour somewhere!  Did you bring rolls?  Oh thank you.  I hope I have enough butter, probably should have bought more.  Oh well.  Yeah, get us a couple wine glasses up there.  There you go!  I got the box wine this year, two of them!  HAHA, five liters for you and five liters for me!! Just kidding, Cubby will drink one by himself I bet.  You turn that handle thing.  Watch out it comes out fast!  Told you!  HAHA.  The paper towel roll if over there.  Oh boy, we’re in trouble.  It’s been in for two hours.  I used a ton of butter all over it like you said.  I hope I don’t run out.  I probably should have bought more.  Dakota, you left the tape here.  Put it back in the junk drawer, please.  Dakota!  Well then answer me!  Put the scotch tape back, please.   Oh hi!  Where’d you come from?  Ha-ha I almost tripped over her, did you see her come in?  Oh my God you look adorable!  Oh Beth I love the outfits.  They look so cute!  Happy Thanksgiving!  You look so cute!  Why is she crying?  Why are you crying?   Do you want to watch a movie with the kids?  Put on a movie for the twins.  Chase.  Chase!  Put on a movie for the twins.  What movie do you want to watch?  What movie do they like?  What movie do you like?  Rudolph?  Chase put on Rudolph for the babies.  Do you want wine or coffee?  I’ve got Baileys.  I’m having both.  I’m going to be a wide awake drunk!  Ha-ha.  Where’s Doug?  Oh hi, Doug.  Glad you didn’t have to work this year!  Want some wine?  Or I have beer in the fridge, help yourself.  Wow, Cubby and his girl are here already!  What’s her name again?  She’s so pretty.  Chase, help Uncle Cubby in with that stuff!  Hi Cubby, hi, Happy Thanksgiving!  No, we’re just getting started!  Want some wine, or we have beer in the fridge.  Dakota made the turkeys on the windows.  Did you hear that, Dakota?  Yeah, she traced her hand, I think.  Dakota?  She’s in her own little world, I swear.  It’s box wine, watch out it comes out fast.  I love that outfit, you look so cute.  Not you Cubby, wiseass.  Ha-ha.  Ok, yes, you look cute too, jerk.  Ha-ha.  It’s ok, the paper towel roll is right there on the counter.    Wow, Baileys and wine are potent together.  My ears are sweating.  Well, cheers everybody.  I’m starving too, but we’ve got another hour or so.  Have some nuts and chips.  Mom made her sweet potatoes this year.  I know, YUM!  Happy Thanksgiving.  Aww, I love you too, Mom, it’s so great to have everyone here, isn’t it?  Yeah, I’m missing him, too.  Wait, who’s crying?  Why is she crying?  Why are you crying?  Who has her Hello Kitty pocketbook?  Give it back to her, it’s not funny teasing a little kid.  You know better.  They’re all hyped up.  Maybe we should give them some wine.  Ha-ha.  Or Benadryl.  HA-HA!  Cheers.  Happy Thanksgiving everyone.  The turkey smells SO GOOD.  God, I’m starving. 

 

Thanksgiving always reminds me of my Grandfather, and the grace he always said before meals:

Be present at our table, Lord

Be here and everywhere adored.

These morsels bless, and grant

That we may feast in paradise, with Thee.

 

          Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone.

 

Lab Reminders, Organ Donation, Feet, Facebook, Greg Brady, etc.

·         I’m not sure if this will end up costing me more money, but I think it’s cool that my health insurance company will now be required  to send me a letter when I’m due for a PAP test and Mammogram.

·         I think we can all agree that while human organ donation is a noble and selfless act, animal organ donation is kind of creepy and suspicious.

·         When it comes to dating websites, it’s important to really get to know a person before you rush into a relationship.  For example, I have a friend who finally discovered that the guy she was chatting with wasn’t really heir to the Scholl’s foot care company, and he wasn’t actually a doctor, but that he did REALLY REALLY like feet.

·         No man can really argue that without women, the sales of men’s underpants would plummet.

·         If I was ever in a majority, I hope it would be a vast majority, because that seems like it’d be way better than being in just a regular majority.

·         I bet that at some point God accepted that the “praying on your knees at bedtime” thing had competition, and begrudgingly started checking Facebook a couple times a day.  I bet God also thinks that the “if you care, change your status don’t just like” thing is bogus.

·         When I was a kid I thought it’d be so cool to be friends with Greg Brady.  I used to think that as a bonus I’d end up having some pretty awesome quality time with Marcia, and that could have blossomed into something really beautiful, and Alice would probably bring us lemonade and cookies.  Anyway, it never happened, but I’m pretty sure that we’d have grown apart part by now, so I don’t dwell on it.