·
I
just saw the Hello Kitty float in the Macys Parade. The commentators were talking about how the
business of Hello Kitty has become huge and international. I
think it’s funny to imagine the Hello Kitty Corporation’s board of directors
meetings. They probably discuss
quarterly Hello Kitty strategies. They’re
probably stressful, sometimes. Probably,
sometimes in the middle of some heated discussion, somebody pounds his fist on
the table and exclaims something like “(Blah blah blah) doesn’t fly here at
Hello Kitty!” The rest of the people at
the table struggle to keep straight faces, because they know what he means, but
it’s still pretty funny to hear the words “Hello Kitty” mixed in with his
tirade. There are probably some Vice-Presidents
working for Hello Kitty who are real bastards; that reality isn’t
industry-specific.
·
Hey
food snobs, Panko is no longer a “secret Asian ingredient”. Get over yourselves.
·
Sounds
From Thanksgiving 2013
You had
cereal an hour ago, you are NOT starving.
Go find your sister. Dakota! Where is she?
You better not be snooping! Where’s
my whisk thingy? Call Grandma and ask
her to bring her whisk. No, you can’t
have any of that, it’s raw. Last thing
we need today is going to the emergency room with food poisoning. DAKOTA!
Where is she? If you get Grandma’s
answering machine leave a message, she’s probably running late. WHISK!
It’s for mixing stuff, she’ll know.
Chase, just leave the message!
Did you leave it? Oh my GOD. No, never mind, I’ll call her, go find your sister. Dakota!!!
I bet we run out of butter, I should have bought more. Is the parade on? Go watch the parade! Dakota, you’re missing the parade! It’s only on one day each year! Where were you, I’ve been calling to you! Did you make those? Oh they’re so cute! Chase, look at the turkeys she made. You made these? Did you pick up after? They’re so cute. There isn’t paper snips all over your room is
there? Go watch the parade, Grandma will
love them. Did you trace your hand? Yes you can tape some up on the front
window. Did you put away the glue? They’re so funny and cute. Did you trace your hand or what? The tape is in the junk drawer. Chase, help her. Ok, leave her alone then, she’s ok by
herself. I said for him to leave you
alone, so stop your yelling. Go watch
the parade. No, you can’t have that; it’s
to put in my coffee. It’s like a
creamer, but better. Yes, it’s good but
it’s for adults. Yes, it has alcohol in
it. Because it’s the kind of alcohol you
can drink before ten in the morning. Stop
smelling it. Mind your business and go
watch the parade. Who’s here? Oh hi, Happy Thanksgiving! I can’t find my whisk; I was going to call
you. Yeah I can use a spoon, but. . .did
you see the turkeys she made? She did
them all by herself up in her room. I
think she traced her hand. I bet it’s a
mess up there. I’ve got coffee and Baileys
but I think it’s time to move to wine!
HAHA. Beth and Doug are coming
soon with the twins and hopefully Cubby and his girlfriend will be here for
dinner. Who’s crying? Why are you crying? God, Chase will you please just leave her
alone? Go watch the parade. Then watch something else. Then go read a book. Mostly get out of this kitchen. Ok, it’s time for wine! HAHAHA.
It’s happy hour somewhere! Did
you bring rolls? Oh thank you. I hope I have enough butter, probably should
have bought more. Oh well. Yeah, get us a couple wine glasses up
there. There you go! I got the box wine this year, two of
them! HAHA, five liters for you and five
liters for me!! Just kidding, Cubby will drink one by himself I bet. You turn that handle thing. Watch out it comes out fast! Told you!
HAHA. The paper towel roll if
over there. Oh boy, we’re in trouble. It’s been in for two hours. I used a ton of butter all over it like you
said. I hope I don’t run out. I probably should have bought more. Dakota, you left the tape here. Put it back in the junk drawer, please. Dakota!
Well then answer me! Put the scotch
tape back, please. Oh hi!
Where’d you come from? Ha-ha I
almost tripped over her, did you see her come in? Oh my God you look adorable! Oh Beth I love the outfits. They look so cute! Happy Thanksgiving! You look so cute! Why is she crying? Why are you crying? Do you want to watch a movie with the
kids? Put on a movie for the twins. Chase.
Chase! Put on a movie for the
twins. What movie do you want to
watch? What movie do they like? What movie do you like? Rudolph?
Chase put on Rudolph for the babies.
Do you want wine or coffee? I’ve
got Baileys. I’m having both. I’m going to be a wide awake drunk! Ha-ha.
Where’s Doug? Oh hi, Doug. Glad you didn’t have to work this year! Want some wine? Or I have beer in the fridge, help
yourself. Wow, Cubby and his girl are
here already! What’s her name
again? She’s so pretty. Chase, help Uncle Cubby in with that
stuff! Hi Cubby, hi, Happy
Thanksgiving! No, we’re just getting
started! Want some wine, or we have beer
in the fridge. Dakota made the turkeys
on the windows. Did you hear that,
Dakota? Yeah, she traced her hand, I
think. Dakota? She’s in her own little world, I swear. It’s box wine, watch out it comes out
fast. I love that outfit, you look so
cute. Not you Cubby, wiseass. Ha-ha.
Ok, yes, you look cute too, jerk.
Ha-ha. It’s ok, the paper towel
roll is right there on the counter. Wow, Baileys and wine are potent
together. My ears are sweating. Well, cheers everybody. I’m starving too, but we’ve got another hour
or so. Have some nuts and chips. Mom made her sweet potatoes this year. I know, YUM!
Happy Thanksgiving. Aww, I love
you too, Mom, it’s so great to have everyone here, isn’t it? Yeah, I’m missing him, too. Wait, who’s crying? Why is she crying? Why are you crying? Who has her Hello Kitty pocketbook? Give it back to her, it’s not funny teasing a
little kid. You know better. They’re all hyped up. Maybe we should give them some wine. Ha-ha.
Or Benadryl. HA-HA! Cheers.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. The turkey
smells SO GOOD. God, I’m starving.
Thanksgiving always reminds me of my Grandfather, and the grace he always said before meals:
Be
present at our table, Lord
Be
here and everywhere adored.
These
morsels bless, and grant
That
we may feast in paradise, with Thee.
Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone.
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