Super Heroes, Fake Mourning, etc.

·         It must be hard to be a retired super hero.  The Commissioner is probably always asking you to come out of retirement to help the city solve a crime.  If I was a retired super hero, I  probably wouldn’t even answer my phone if I saw that it was the Commissioner calling.  Still, I’d probably get a kick out of putting on my old costume and just walking around causing a commotion sometimes.  Unless I was retired AquaMan, of course. 

 

 

·         I think that the only real difference between sinking and submerging is optimism.

 

·         Let’s beat this fake dead horse a little bit more, shall we?.............. 

What is the accepted duration for fake mourning when a fake girlfriend fake dies?  I saw Manti Te’o in the Katie Couric interview and he’s still so sad.  I’d tell him to remember that there are a million fake fish in the sea.  I’d give him advice about what to do when you fall off a fake bike……

 

·         We all remember the music greats, Fats Domino and Chubby Checker.  But you never hear much about their lesser known rock ‘n roll contemporaries, Pudgy Dice and Blubber Chess or blues guitarist Lardass Backgammon.

 

·         New Feature

               Hilarious Jokes

Students of humor agree that the three funniest joke subjects are flies, poop, and passing gas.  Some would argue that poop and passing gas are so closely related that they should only count as one subject.  I won’t argue that point.  So let’s just say that the two funniest topics in the history of humor are flies and smelly poops.  Anyway, I’m introducing a new feature that will present a hilarious joke about flies and poop and breaking wind. 

         (Editor’s Disclaimer: I did not write this joke;  I think it’s attributed to Red Skelton or Soupy Sales.)

 

Two flies are sitting on a pile of crap. 

One of them farts. 

The other one bellows in disgust, “HEY!!! I’m trying to eat over here!!”

 

·         More Questionable Animal Facts

Hamsters experience regret.

Chinese duck sauce is mostly made from Mallard ducks.

Pigs resent being the other white meat.

Ko Ko, the sign language-speaking gorilla, is said to liberally pepper his conversations with the word “friggin”.

Some bird owners suffer from a syndrome called “sympathy molt”.