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Holidays make for great memories. 20 years from now some people will reminisce
about family New Year’s Eve celebrations when they were kids, with chips and
dip, sparkling fake soda champagne, and the Walking Dead marathon.
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I saw an artist’s rendering of what Prince Will’s
and Princess Kate’s child will look like, based on a morph of their
characteristics. The little girl version
is so cute, but the boy version is bald.
Cheap shot, Will probably wasn’t already bald when he was a kid.
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I don’t get the deal with Sensa appetite
suppressant sprinkles. Do they just make
the food taste bad? And why do they have
to animate the sprinkles on the commercial?
Maybe they’re invisible. If so, I
wonder how you know when the package is empty?
·
Kids should be encouraged to do their best to
get good grades in school. For example,
changing a D into a B on a report card is pretty ingenious. Plus, the D pretty much begs to be turned
into a B, I mean, it’s just one more line and then kind of rounding the edges,
and if you have a pen with the right colored ink, I say go for it. Of course, the kid should be punished if he
gets caught, but come on, at least give him a C+ for effort.
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Some people seem to think that it’s ok to shoot
snow from their own driveways into the driveways of their neighbors. I guess it’s sort of a “pay it forward”
thing. Of course the last guy on the
block sort of gets screwed out of the experience.
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Someone should open a new Western-themed
discount store, called “A Fist Full of Family Dollars.”
New Feature! (same
low price)
Facetious Corner:
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When you’re ahead of me in traffic, start riding
your brakes early (100 feet before your turn), with your directional on, and
then slowly turn off the thoroughfare as you look across the parking lot for
the perfect spot. Those of us lined up
behind you will wait for you, take your time.
·
Let’s face it, shopping is tiring! So please, lean on your cart, and steer it with
your elbows. Ploddingly move down the
middle of the aisle, like you’re about to topple over from exhaustion. Those of us lined up behind you will wait for
you, take your time.
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If you’re walking toward me texting, please finish
your thought and keep walking with your head down. I’ll gladly assume full responsibility for
avoiding a collision.
Coolest Names of Musicians and Action Movie Characters:
Donald Duck Dunn, Slash, Ringo, Snake Pliskin, The Edge, Jeff
Skunk Baxter, Screamin’ Jay Hawkins, Flea
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Although I know that the chance of it happening is
remote, I’d hate to be impaled. I read
that Dracula was based on a real count named Vlad the Impaler. Maybe impaling was more common back then, or
maybe Vlad had the market cornered on impaling.
Maybe if you needed someone impaled, you just had to call Vlad because
he was the only one with the expertise and the tools. He could pretty much charge whatever he
wanted, and if you didn’t like his price, well tough. Smart guy, that Vlad. Even if he couldn’t really turn into a bat.
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