It's Just The Principle; Merchandise

So I get that all the hip kids now refer to stuff that stores and people sell as “merch”, and sure, I guess the abbreviation is cute or whatever.  But when on your website every reference to the products you sell uses the word “merch” like it’s so cool that you’ve saved two freaking syllables in your postings, and that somehow the word “merchandise” is now outdated or meaningless (and just so you know, I really am not that big a fan of the word merchandise; it’s just the principle) I’m afraid that I just can’t allow myself to buy your crap, even with your bullshit “volume merch” discount.

Faking It

Years later, we learned that Danny Partridge was totally faking playing the bass the whole time.  But now, even knowing the truth, when you watch the old clips, you could swear that the lil ginger was for real nailing that shit.  #mindblown  

Glinda The Good Witch

So I watched The Wizard of Oz on tv tonight.  I know that this is probably controversial, but I think that Glinda “The Good Witch” would actually be hard to take, because she’s really so annoying, but also really powerful and could turn you into vapor or dust or something if she wanted to, accountable to no one, and so you’d have to be all nice her to her and whatever, totally faking it the whole time.

Sounds From Thanksgiving (redux)

Dear Readers:

I dipped into the archives for this silly lil nugget.   Please enjoy, and Happy Thanksgiving!

           -         Editor

 

·         Sounds From Thanksgiving

   You had cereal an hour ago, you are NOT starving.  Go find your sister.  Dakota!  Where is she?  You better not be snooping!  Where’s my whisk thingy?  Call Grandma and ask her to bring her whisk.   No, you can’t have any of that, it’s raw.  Last thing we need today is going to the emergency room with food poisoning.  DAKOTA!  Where is she?  If you get Grandma’s answering machine leave a message, she’s probably running late.  WHISK!  It’s for mixing stuff, she’ll know.  Chase, just leave the message!  Did you leave it?  Oh my GOD.  No, never mind, I’ll call her, go find your sister.  Dakota!!!  I bet we run out of butter, I should have bought more.  Is the parade on?  Go watch the parade!  Dakota, you’re missing the parade!  It’s only on one day each year!  Where were you, I’ve been calling to you!  Did you make those?  Oh they’re so cute!  Chase, look at the turkeys she made.  You made these?  Did you pick up after?  They’re so cute.  There isn’t paper snips all over your room is there?  Go watch the parade, Grandma will love them.  Did you trace your hand?  Yes you can tape some up on the front window.  Did you put away the glue?  They’re so funny and cute.  Did you trace your hand or what?  The tape is in the junk drawer.  Chase, help her.  Ok, leave her alone then, she’s ok by herself.  I said for him to leave you alone, so stop your yelling.  Go watch the parade.  No, you can’t have that; it’s to put in my coffee.  It’s like a creamer, but better.  Yes, it’s good but it’s for adults.  Yes, it has alcohol in it.  Because it’s the kind of alcohol you can drink before ten in the morning.  Stop smelling it.  Mind your business and go watch the parade.   Who’s here?  Oh hi, Happy Thanksgiving!  I can’t find my whisk; I was going to call you.  Yeah I can use a spoon, but. . .did you see the turkeys she made?  She did them all by herself up in her room.  I think she traced her hand.  I bet it’s a mess up there.  I’ve got coffee and Baileys but I think it’s time to move to wine!  HAHA.  Beth and Doug are coming soon with the twins and hopefully Cubby and his girlfriend will be here for dinner.  Who’s crying?  Why are you crying?  God, Chase will you please just leave her alone?  Go watch the parade.  Then watch something else.  Then go read a book.  Mostly get out of this kitchen.  Ok, it’s time for wine!  HAHAHA.  It’s happy hour somewhere!  Did you bring rolls?  Oh thank you.  I hope I have enough butter, probably should have bought more.  Oh well.  Yeah, get us a couple wine glasses up there.  There you go!  I got the box wine this year, two of them!  HAHA, five liters for you and five liters for me!! Just kidding, Cubby will drink one by himself I bet.  You turn that handle thing.  Watch out it comes out fast!  Told you!  HAHA.  The paper towel roll if over there.  Oh boy, we’re in trouble.  It’s been in for two hours.  I used a ton of butter all over it like you said.  I hope I don’t run out.  I probably should have bought more.  Dakota, you left the tape here.  Put it back in the junk drawer, please.  Dakota!  Well then answer me!  Put the scotch tape back, please.   Oh hi!  Where’d you come from?  Ha-ha I almost tripped over her, did you see her come in?  Oh my God you look adorable!  Oh Beth I love the outfits.  They look so cute!  Happy Thanksgiving!  You look so cute!  Why is she crying?  Why are you crying?   Do you want to watch a movie with the kids?  Put on a movie for the twins.  Chase.  Chase!  Put on a movie for the twins.  What movie do you want to watch?  What movie do they like?  What movie do you like?  Rudolph?  Chase put on Rudolph for the babies.  Do you want wine or coffee?  I’ve got Baileys.  I’m having both.  I’m going to be a wide awake drunk!  Ha-ha.  Where’s Doug?  Oh hi, Doug.  Glad you didn’t have to work this year!  Want some wine?  Or I have beer in the fridge, help yourself.  Wow, Cubby and his girl are here already!  What’s her name again?  She’s so pretty.  Chase, help Uncle Cubby in with that stuff!  Hi Cubby, hi, Happy Thanksgiving!  No, we’re just getting started!  Want some wine, or we have beer in the fridge.  Dakota made the turkeys on the windows.  Did you hear that, Dakota?  Yeah, she traced her hand, I think.  Dakota?  She’s in her own little world, I swear.  It’s box wine, watch out it comes out fast.  I love that outfit, you look so cute.  Not you Cubby, wiseass.  Ha-ha.  Ok, yes, you look cute too, jerk.  Ha-ha.  It’s ok, the paper towel roll is right there on the counter.    Wow, Baileys and wine are potent together.  My ears are sweating.  Well, cheers everybody.  I’m starving too, but we’ve got another hour or so.  Have some nuts and chips.  Mom made her sweet potatoes this year.  I know, YUM!  Happy Thanksgiving.  Aww, I love you too, Mom, it’s so great to have everyone here, isn’t it?  Yeah, I’m missing him, too.  Wait, who’s crying?  Why is she crying?  Why are you crying?  Who has her Hello Kitty pocketbook?  Give it back to her, it’s not funny teasing a little kid.  You know better.  They’re all hyped up.  Maybe we should give them some wine.  Ha-ha.  Or Benadryl.  HA-HA!  Cheers.  Happy Thanksgiving everyone.  The turkey smells SO GOOD.  God, I’m starving. 

  

 

When We Have An Idea

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Idée Fixe

(noun) 

Definition : an idea that dominates one's mind especially for a prolonged period : obsession

Before You Apologize

If you’re ever in a conversation and  hear yourself apologizing for not having received a voicemail or text, take a moment and consider what a bullshit notion that is.

In The End, It's All In the Name

It’d probably be hard to prove, but I bet that a stellar marketing team at the company that makes the butt cream RectiCare had some contentious arguments and ultimately passed on several contenders before they enthusiastically got behind the perfect product name.