Falling Stuff

I can handle most of life’s challenges, but lately I’m noticing that one of my biggest problems is having stuff fall to the floor.  Sometimes it drops from my hands as if it’s the result of a mysterious muscle spasm, or without explanation from a solidly stacked tower of storage that could not in any way have been described as poorly planned or teetering.   Sometimes the stuff drops and bounces and rolls annoyingly under a piece of furniture.  Sometimes, after serious searching and straining and stooping and grunting and sweating and cursing, I find the annoying roll away thing behind a chair or under the sofa.  Other times I accept that it’s become part of an alternate universe and now exists outside of the view of my bifocals and poor dim light vision.  Some other times the stuff drops and smashes loudly and shatters and causes a cleanup that requires the canceling of previous plans for the day.  And don’t even bother screaming “NOOOO”, because I tried it plenty, and to no avail.  Some call it gravity, and I don’t know about all that scientific doublespeak, but I hear so much about nonsensical experiments to send a man to the moon and cooling the arctic, so how about a little attention to stop stuff from falling to the floor?  I’m not sure how to ignite a movement to fix this, but maybe you kids could set up a go fund me page or whatever the hell you do when you get a bug up your ass to save the world.

Facebook and Robot Vetting

Sometimes Facebook makes me type in a crazy scrambled code to reply to or “like” a post.  It helps Facebook confirm that I’m not a robot, which I guess is very important.   Sometimes I have trouble reading and understanding what the letters or symbols are, which fills me with anxiety and self-doubt about my robot status.  Anyway, I hope the government doesn’t track my attempt failures; I’m just trying to “like” a frigging cat video or picture of someone’s birthday bash.

Fall Deception

Freaking squirrels all over town.  Trying to fool us with their cute gathering and adorable scurrying.  I’m telling you, I’m not buying it, the little bastards are up to something.

Book Learning

Tonight, as I crossed the parking lot at the gym, I noticed a somewhat frail looking young boy walking down the sidewalk. He was wearing glasses and carrying several books under one arm. Two somewhat older and bigger boys closely followed him. It was obvious that the older boys were picking on the younger kid, who kept looking forward with his head down as he walked silently. One of the older boys then flicked the younger kid's ear. In a flash, the young bespectacled boy spun around with a hard copy book in his free hand and clocked the bully in the face, stopping him in his tracks. No words were spoken, but the now bruised bully and his jerky friend walked away as the kid with glasses collected his stuff and continued on. Cheers to you, little bad-ass book-wielding dude. Don’t take any shit from anyone.

Football, Kneeling Worries

I feel badly for my football loving friends, what with all the turmoil I’ve heard discussed lately over whether to kneel or not.  (How does one even attempt to safely kneel in a recliner, I wonder?).  I’m so glad that (at least for now) my favorite televised sport (on SPIKE), Inline Underwater Blindfolded Extremely Limited-Contact MMA, hasn’t been similarly compromised by the reckless political antics of those who would seek to arbitrarily dictate our viewing positions.

Perfectly Clear

The phrase, “let me make this perfectly clear” is usually followed by incoherent blather.

Regrouping With The Dog

A couple of weeks later, the dog returned for a few days’ visit. Truth be told, after our last challenging time together, initially the tension was palpable. Then she, being the bigger of us two, stuck her quite wet nose in my ear. A weight was then lifted, and we returned to our normal selves, getting on most famously.