When I see a
scientist from Europe on a documentary talking about some new discovery based on
decades of research that I should put into place immediately to save my life,
but the details are all presented in metric measurements, I figure, “Oh well, no way I can extrapolate
this shit. Guess I’ll carry on with my
normal sketchy lifestyle and just hope for the best.”
Friday, November 22, 2019
Friday, November 15, 2019
You Want To See My What?
Whether you consider it pretentious or not, on job applications
“CV” is sometimes a replacement for the word resume. CV in this case stands for Curriculum Vitae,
which is Latin for “course of one’s life”.
CV is also an abbreviation for cardiovascular. If an employer asks you for your CV, you may
want to clarify whether he wants your resume, or the account of the "course of
your life”, which let’s face it, could be messy, or your cardiovascular record. Posting for a friend (me).
Friday, November 1, 2019
Blame The Pilgrims
Really cool Halloween decorations looks so lame November first,
but people leave them up because there are really no good Thanksgiving
decorations. People put up corn stalks
and Indian corn and cornucopia displays at the end of September, but it’s
mostly because it’s too early for skeletons and zombies; it has nothing to do
with Thanksgiving and feels desperate, then.
And so then the world is decorated orange and yellow and brown for a few
months, with funny turkey pictures slipped in in mid-November but it’s just seemingly
pointless, meaningless. I know that this
will be controversial, but I blame the Pilgrims. I know that public relations were not a primary
consideration back then, but what were they thinking with the big buckles and stupid
hats and knickers and big-ass barreled blunderbusses? They created the least sexy image for anyone to
recreate with decorations. And to be
honest, they mostly did without, and sacrificed, and froze and starved, even
though the native Americans showed them really good ways to not freeze and starve. So now here we are, like five hundred years
later or whatever, and how can you decorate your house with freakin’ starved
and frozen Pilgrims (except by maybe leaving the skeletons up)? So anyway, yeah, when you’re tired of the corn
(which the Pilgrims also stole from the Indians) decorations, go ahead and put
up your Christmas trees and lights. What
the hell, I give up. Happy Thanksgiving
and No ‘el, everyone.
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