That moment
when one of your apartment’s 20-year-old combination smoke and carbon dioxide
detectors starts randomly beeping and you aren’t cooking and have no candles
burning or anything. And then you manage
to take it down off the wall and shake it and whatever, but it keeps on with
the freaking beeping so loud and you take the batteries out and put them back in
and it’s still beeping so freaking loud and so you take them out again and look
for replacements, which totally aren’t where you thought they were, but you
find them eventually in a bag under your bed.
And then you put the replacements in and it starts again with the freaking beeping so loud and you start to plead
with the detector, asking it what the hell it wants, and of course they never
answer you and so you take the new batteries out and say ok I just can’t do
this right now, I’ll deal with you tomorrow, and you hope there’s no gas leak
or anything but what the hell can you do so you put the empty detector on the dresser
and watch The Godfather and just hope for the best.
Tuesday, August 7, 2018
Monday, August 6, 2018
Holding Hands with My Old Man
When I was 16,
my dad and I were on our way to meet my mom at a photographer’s studio downtown
to pose for our only professional family portrait ever. Walking from a nearby parking lot, he and I waited
in our uncomfortable suits to cross at an intersection near the studio, and as
the light changed, my dad grabbed my hand.
In that instant I was shocked and embarrassed that he had done it and
confused especially because as he was so rarely demonstrative of his affections
to me, but we walked across the busy intersection, my hand in his. I never really thought much about that
experience again until a few years later, after my dad passed away suddenly. As I reconciled with conflicted emotions his
leaving me so early, the memory of the embarrassing moment at the intersection that
day reminded and comforted me that his instinct was to protect me.
Saturday, August 4, 2018
Spotting Fail
Two young
guys at the gym, both wearing earbuds. Young guy # one benching, young guy # two
“spotting” his bench bro. Young guy #
one lifts semi heavy load, executes a couple of decent reps, last one lands on
his chest. Young guy # one gasps, “Brian!
Brian! Brian! Brian!”. Young guy # two
(apparently his name is Brian), earbuds in, checking cellphone, doesn’t hear or
see his gasping bench bro directly in front of him. Old guy on next
bench without earbuds (me) pulls bar off young guy # one’s chest. Both young guys say, in unison, “Thanks, man”. Old guy (me) replies, “No problem, Brian.”
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